Happy Birthday to....

I can't believe its been a year since we celebrated my 30th birthday.  I can't believe its been 7 months since I've seen my best friend.  I can't believe that I have made so many amazing friends in the last 7 months that we will be celebrating 31 trying to forget 30 every happened. Or at least I will.  I think they have this great idea that they will make it better than last year and I won't miss him.. but there is no possible way its going to be better than last year.  I think its possible to be just as good because of all the wonderful people that are in my life now that weren't then.. but the only possible way that it can be better than last year is if he were to show up too.. I had a dream about that... Somehow he wanted to be there, to wish me happy birthday.. even if he came just to tell me that he wanted nothing to do with me and that I would never see him again.. he'd be there. I don't know if I'm supposed to cry or feel nothing.. we were never really ever real.  I was a project. Just like with everyone and everything else in my life I was a project. He wanted to make me ok.  He did.. oh he did.. but have yet to figure out how to do that without him.  I just hope and pray that I do not spend my entire birthday thinking of him.. I have today for that. I miss you. I love you still..because you showed me how to love me.