I owe you

I think I owe you one final post. I know it took me far longer than it should but I did finally make it to the end of that rope. I kept hanging and fraying and hanging still and I grasped to every last fiber, but it broke. It broke and I did not, for the first time. Or maybe the second. There is nothing left between us. I think after Greyson everything changed for both of us. We couldn't be put in that position again, not with each other at least. I love you in some part of my being because once you have a love like that its always a part of you, but I don't long for it anymore. I don't wish for the old times back because they could never return. We aren't the same people anymore and to be honest I don't think we ever would have been what we were, let alone friends if we met now. There's nothing for me to hold onto anymore. There is no hope, there is no desire. That part of my heart and soul is void of any kind of warmth of emotion. It's sad that I had to hit that point to give into what you and everyone else told me. Nothing positive has come from "us" in years. There hasn't been an "us" in years, there's been me begging and you allowing it to be that way. I can't allow it to be that way anymore. If you truly need me I suspect I will always be there but in the mean time the distance will increase until the communication is as silent as the parts of me that used to cry for you. I don't cry anymore. I would say I'm sorry but this is what you've always wanted. At least we want the same things now. Good bye. I would like to say I'll miss you.. but I've missed me more.