What if I told you, what if I said..

I want you to know that I don’t hate you.  Honestly I feel nothing towards you at all anymore.  It took me 2 years and a lot of prayers to accept what you did to me.  And yes, I think of it as something you did TO me.  I didn’t deserve it.  I gave you my all.  My everything.  And I always would have.  That’s how I know you made the right decision.  You and I were all or nothing people.  As things changed between us we were always struggling to find a way to give each other our all.  It affected our relationship and all relationships around us.  I think you just realized before me that if we couldn’t give our all we would have to accept giving each other nothing.  I think you also realized that as long as I could reach out to you I would never take away my all.  You had to leave.  You had to set us both free from an unending cycle.  I know we both tried as hard as we could to enter some form of existence where we could just be acquaintances.  Sending the yearly happy birthday and Merry Christmas.  But every time your name came across my mind I wanted to call you.  Every time something happened in my life good or bad I wanted to share it with you.  I wasn’t going to be able to hold that back until you were no longer there.  Because of what you did I learned a lesson.  I truly am an all or nothing person.  If you can’t accept my all then I will be forced to give you nothing rather than feel like nothing because you aren’t willing to give any.  Because of you I’m about to walk away from something that means more to me than I could express with words.  I won’t be hurting them the way you hurt me because they have always given me nothing.  Interesting enough the pain is the same for me on either side of the coin.  I thank you for the wisdom you have imparted in my life and I thank God that I am finally able to feel indifference towards you.  It was great while it lasted.. a fairy tale you might say.  But at this point you have truly become somebody that I used to know.  For the last and final time(and finally in past tense).. I loved you. I wish you well.