My chains are gone, I've been set free

A note to my baby sister.

You're right.  I don't know what its like to live in someone's shadow. I don't know what its like to have to live up to the standard that she set before you.  I don't know what it feels like to have her be prettier and smarter and more well liked.  I don't know what its like to have her take away from you everything you ever wanted or have it first so that it doesn't matter anymore.  But I do know what those things feel like from the inside.  I know what its like to never live up to the standard I set for myself.  I know what its like to feel that everyone around me is prettier and smarter and better equipped to handle life.  I do know what its like to wish for things I will never get and to self sabotage the things I do.  And I'm sure that the feelings can't be all that different. 
I also know what it feels like for the feelings we both have to be my fault.  I'm the one who ruined their lives.  Maybe not by choice, but it was still me.  I know that I took the lives of two promising people and tied them to each other to live an unhappy life for 28 years.  I know that as a product of those unhappy lives that the both of you have had to suffer as well.  I know that if it wasn't for me none of us would hurt, because none of us would be.  Which is better?


Update:
You have taught me so very much in the past 6 months.  Together you and me, we can rule the world. And of course we can't forget the adopted one.. it wouldn't be the same without her.